I took Proverbs 31 and reflected on the passage verse by verse. In some cases, I rearranged the verses in a way that made sense to me. Here’s a glimpse into the revelations received regarding the Proverbs 31 Woman. 

The virtuous wife: “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).

I think this verse gives men guidance for finding a virtuous wife, suggesting they take their time and work hard to discover that hidden gem. So why use rubies? Why not diamonds? You know the whole “diamonds are a girl’s best friend thing?” Well, I looked into the process of mining for rubies, and I discovered it’s a pretty intricate process. The first thing I learned is that large rubies that have a clear, consistent deep-red color are so rare that they’re worth ten times more than diamonds. Second, you can’t find rubies everywhere. You have to know where to look. The miners have to dig a pit at least nine feet deep. Then they tediously and meticulously sift through the dirt and the sand, looking for nuggets or rock. They have to carefully break apart the single rock to determine if a ruby’s inside. That’s a lot of work for one ruby.

What if a man went through a similar process to find his ruby of a wife? If he would first recognize her worth and didn’t look in bars or nightclubs but in places where he’d be more likely to find rubies. Then he’d take his time to sort through the dirt and the fake stones to find what might be a ruby, rubbing away the layers to discover whether it was the real thing. And there’s a message here for women as well. We should value ourselves as much as rubies are valued. We should expect men to work hard to gain our love, trust, and respect. We should expect them to treat us like treasured rubies, and we shouldn’t accept anything less. 

“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land … The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:23, 11–12).

I think these three verses speak to the qualities a virtuous wife should have. They seem to suggest how important it is that wives respect and trust their husbands. A virtuous wife should be trustworthy. Her husband should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has his best interests at heart. She will not speak badly of him in front of others, she will support his interests and encourage him, and she will want what’s good for him. His heart should be safe in her hands. He should be respected at home and in the community. He should not have to worry about what others are saying behind his back about his wife or his home. He should walk with his head held high. He should be proud to be her husband, and she should be proud to be his wife. 

“She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar … She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard … She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle … She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants” (Proverbs 31:13–14, 16, 18–19, 24).

I used to look at this passage like a long laundry list of all the things I was supposed to do—buy, sell, sew, plant. I viewed these things as burdensome chores, and my success as a wife was all wrapped up in how much of those things I could do. But when I group them like this, I see that maybe these verses are talking more about the traits of a virtuous wife and not about all that she should be doing. We don’t have to work in a field or business or know how to sew (Praise God, because I’d fail miserably). But we should discover whatever gifts we have and use them to make our families better. We should be wise and make good decisions, and our work should be top quality so that others respect us. And whatever the wife does should reflect well on her husband and her family. 

“She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants … She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple … She is not afraid of snow for her household, for her household is clothed with scarlet … She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms” (Proverbs 31:15, 22, 21, 17).

Her home is her first priority. This seems to be the theme throughout the passage. Take care of the home. If the home is stable and secure and built on a strong foundation, everything else will fall into place. She also takes care of herself. Strengthening the arms must involve exercise, and her clothes are fine linen, so she’s making sure that she looks good. She’s representing her home, so she’s careful about her appearance.

“She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy … Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness … Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:20, 25–27, 30).

These verses might be the most important in the passage because they speak to a woman’s character. The virtuous wife should be about service to others. She should be compassionate to those in need and be willing to help in any way she can. She should have honor and integrity and hold firm to her beliefs. She should have inner strength and wisdom and be kind. She shouldn’t be idle. She should love God more than anything, and she should always rejoice and praise His name. And at the same time, she should be watching over her home, not letting church, work, friends, or anything else interfere with her first priority, well, her second priority after God, her family.

“Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates … Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all” (Proverbs 31:31, 28–29).

Her children call her blessed, her husband praises her, she is respected in the community, and above all, God finds favor in her. A wife and a mother are not slaves or glorified maids (not that I think there’s anything wrong with being a maid). A virtuous wife is valued, blessed, and praised.