[WO]MAN IN THE MIRROR
One of my favorite artists was Michael Jackson. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t obsessed like my sister, who actually had a glove, the red leather jacket, and practiced moonwalking across our bedroom floor day and night; but I did love many of his songs. One of my favorites is Man in the Mirror. Go ahead, take a moment and break out in song:
I’m starting with the [wo]man in the mirror
I’m asking [her] him to change [her] his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
I was listening to this song the other day. As I was grooving in my car like no one was watching, I was suddenly struck with the thought that if I want greater intimacy with God, with my spouse, my children, with family and friends, then intimacy has to begin with me. Intimacy is defined as “a close, familiar, affectionate and loving personal relationship with another person based on a deep knowledge and understanding of that person.” And in typical Davenia fashion, I was led down the rabbit hole of self-reflection: How can I expect intimacy with others if I’m unwilling to be vulnerable and transparent? How can others ever know the true me if I don’t know, like, or value myself? And if I don’t know myself, the woman in the mirror, how can I expect others to know me?
Scripture
Mark 12:30-31 –- And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.
Lessons Learned
A breakthrough. An acknowledgment of the fact that maybe, just maybe, the intimacy I crave and long for is missing as a result of me. And just before I went down the ‘woe is me’ path, I asked myself another important question, and that was “Why?”
I’ll tell you why. Because we’ve bought into, I’ve bought into, the lies that society tells us. “Tuck it in, cover it up, and act like a lady because good girls don’t do that. Because sin keeps us distracted. With work, children, and health concerns, who has time to think about intimacy? Because we’re afraid and ashamed of the woman in the mirror. Can you imagine standing in front of a full-length mirror, naked as the day you were born, and feeling no shame? Can you imagine looking at the reflection in the mirror and thinking, I love the curve of my hips, the swell of my breasts, and the pout of my lips? And because we’re bombarded with distortions of the truth we can’t help but feel discouraged. Believing we aren’t beautiful, we aren’t desirable, and we aren’t worthy of love, passion, and pleasure. We get lost in all the trappings or hide behind our masks. We tend to be fearful of being true to ourselves, the hurt self, the happy self, the lost and confused self, the loving self, the self that God designed us to be.
Lessons Lived
It’s time we let the lies go and embrace God’s plans and purposes for our lives.
| LIE | TRUTH |
|---|---|
| We have to carry our burdens (and the burdens of everyone else) alone and in silence | I Peter 5:7 and Psalm 55:22 – cast your cares upon the Lord Isaiah 58:6 – He’ll undo our burdens and break the yoke that has us bound |
| There is virtue in worrying | Philippians 4:6-7 – Be anxious for nothing and present your requests to God Isaiah 41:10 – Be anxious for nothing; God cares about you Matthew 6:34 – Why worry about tomorrow? Today has enough troubles of its’ own |
| Vulnerability is weakness | Proverbs 3:5-6 – Lean not on your own understanding Proverbs 16:9 – The Lord establishes your steps Proverbs 19:21 – God’s plans prevail Psalm 23:1-2 – I lack nothing |
| Homeliness is holiness | I Corinthians 6:19 – Your body is a temple. Glorify God in your body Ephesians 4:1 – Walk in a manner worthy of the calling 2 Corinthians 5:17 – If you are in Christ, you are a new creation Song of Solomon 4:7 – Being beautiful for our spouse is ok Proverbs 31:22 – her clothes are of fine linen, so she’s making sure that she looks good |
I’m learning a lot about what it truly means to know, and here’s a summary of some of the lessons learned that I believe can help us have more intimate relationships with others:
- Remember the Past but Don’t Get Stuck There: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” (George Santayana) We shouldn’t run from our past, no matter how painful or complex. We can’t learn or heal from it if we don’t remember it. If we’re truthful about the past, we can move forward in truthful relationships in our present.
- They’re People Just Like Me: It’s easy to remain detached from others when we view them as “the other.” When we classify people by labels like “a million people,” or “refugees,” or “immigrants” or “Muslims,” we reduce people to a stereotype. But when you get to know a refugee or immigrant or victim or Muslim and hear their stories, then it’s a lot harder to remain distanced. You’ll realize that we all have a story, and typically we have more in common than not (I Corinthians 12:12).
- Be Rooted and Grounded: Often, we feel threatened by others because we aren’t secure in who we are. We fear that those who differ from us will influence or change us so that we’ll no longer be ourselves. But when you’re secure in who you are, in what you believe and in what you know to be true, then you’re more freely able to allow others to be themselves without being a threat to you, you’re open to learning from others, and you can know another without losing your sense of self (Ephesians 3:17-18).
- Forgive as God Forgives: Forgiveness is one of the major factors in healing and renewal. You can’t grow or move forward if you remain steeped in your “victimness,” hurt, or pain. Adhering to God’s commandment that we forgive one another (Colossians 3:13) is critical. But not only should we forgive others, but we must forgive ourselves as well. When God forgives us, it’s forgotten (Isaiah 43:25). So why do we cling to guilt and shame?
Because of Jesus’ love for us, we are freed from condemnation (Romans 8:1) and are freed to love (Galatians 5:13) and to be loved.
What I know is that the makeup fades, the masks crack, and eventually, all you’ll have left is you, so you might as well embrace and love yourself now! We no longer have to hide behind masks or lies. Only through Christ can each of us live life naked and unashamed. So I challenge you ladies, let’s live naked as we seek true intimacy with Christ and others.
Reflections
- How does Mark 12:30-31 speak to you?
- What would you see if you were to start with the [wo]man in the mirror?
- Are you living an authentic life? Why or why not?
- How would you describe your relationships with your spouse, children, family, and friends? Would you describe them as intimate? Why or why not?
- What’s holding you back from experiencing a deeper, more meaningful, more intimate relationship with God?
- What’s holding you back from experiencing a deeper, more meaningful, more intimate relationship with significant others?
- What are your personal LIFE Lessons?
- Liberation: : What new insights have you gained that have freed you from past thoughts or practices?
- Inspiration: In what ways have you been spiritually, emotionally or mentally motivated to live for Christ?
- Fortification: What additional scriptural texts, passages or stories can reinforce and strengthen you against the attacks of the enemy?
- Edification: How might you share your story to edify others and bring glory to God?
Playlist
As you process, digest, and apply what’s been shared, here are a few songs from my ” I Was Created ” Playlist. Listen and let the music infiltrate your soul. Read the lyrics and let the words encourage you. And I pray that you’ll be blessed as I was.
- Beauty for Ashes by Crystal Lewis – Crystal Lewis – Beauty For Ashes
- Man in The Mirror by Michael Jackson – Man in the Mirror (2012 Remaster)
Prayer
